Stephen Colbert: Gentlemen, thank you so much for joining me... in the Dr Pepper Flavor Zone

[laughter]

Stephen: We are just so incredibly excited to have you guys here. Now, you guys are the biggest thing ever, how did you get started? Did you win [American] Idol or The X-Factor or Britain's Got Talent?

Ed: No, we are not one of those kinds of bands. We-

Stephen: Oh, that's how we pick our bands in the United States.

Ed: Oh really?

[laughter]

Stephen: That's how someone gets big over here.

Ed: We were at school together about 20-odd years ago.

Stephen: Wow, you look...you guys are well-preserved. Congratulations! So, the new album is called "The King of Limbs" and it is awesome. Are you guys doing a Christmas album this year?

[laughter]

Thom: No, we have never done a Christmas album.

Stephen: Have you thought about it?

Thom: [pause] No.

[laughter]

Stephen: No? Yeah, cause I did a Christmas album a couple of years back.

Thom: U-huh?

Stephen: Yeah, won a Grammy.

Thom: Did it?

Stephen: Yeah. You guys won any Grammies?

Thom: Uhh, I think we have, haven't we? [checks with the rest of the band]

Ed: We have.

[laughter]

Stephen: How many have you got?

Colin: Best packaging, we got the Best Packaging one.

Stephen: That's one of the top ones, right there. Can I pick a bone with you guys for a second? Would you mind that? Phil?

Phil: Go ahead.

Stephen: OK. Why British? And I ask, because, don't get me wrong, there's been some great bands from across the pond. But, you know, Americans could be rocking and you are taking American rock jobs. I mean, is the British invasion a good thing for America? Why do we like you?

Thom: Uhh, we don't know. Not a clue.

[laughter]

Stephen: Do you look to any of the early invaders for like leadership? The Stones or the Beatles or anything like that?

Thom: Oh, yes. We are still waiting for the greeting when we get off the airplane, the crowds and shit.

Stephen: Yes, well, perhaps if you were loveable mop-tops in, you know, Eton collars... But you guys have got this totally indie kind of ragged kind of quality to you. And let me ask you something, Thom, how old are you?

Thom: Uhh, 42, right? [checks with the rest of the band]

Stephen: Grow up, guys. OK and I mean that lovingly, I mean that lovingly. Let's talk about the corporate thing. Why are you so against corporations, man? They're job-creators.

Thom: Yeah, uhm, why are we against...? I dunno, I don't think they spread the wealth particularly, it tends to go up.

Stephen: It trickles down.

Thom: No, no, no, no.

Stephen: No, it does, we just haven't given them enough.

Thom: Alright.

Stephen: But, corporations. Like, tonight, we are sponsored by Dr Pepper, which I'll readily admit -

Thom: We didn't actually talk about that.

Stephen: No, we didn't talk about that and I apologise because.... [camera zooms out, shows huge Dr Pepper ads] I should've checked.

[Thom laughs]

Stephen: I should've checked if that was the official soft drink of Radiohead. And it is not. And that is on me and I apologise. Would you say it's out of the question?

Thom: I think so. It tastes like the stuff you get in the dentist's when you wanna rinse your mouth.

Stephen: Well, Thom... He is a doctor.

[all laugh]

Stephen: Yeah, you're not corporate anymore. You released "In Rainbows" by yourself. Did you make more money doing it by yourself or with a corporation?

Thom: I dunno, what's the official, uhh..? [turns around to Ed] The official answer to the question?

Stephen: Come on, did you make more money by yourself?

Ed: We sell less records, but we make more money.

Thom: Yeah. And we don't have to beg...

Stephen: Alright, so fewer people are hearing it, but you are making more money.

[Ed, Colin and Thom try to interject]

Stephen: No, listen, that means you are motivated by greed and that I can respect.

[Ed laughs]

Stephen: Would you please [gestures towards the stage]? Would you stick around a do a song for us?

[All nod]

Stephen: We'll be right back with a performance by Radiohead.

Stephen: Here to defend the not saving the global village by destroying it, please welcome back Thom Yorke and Ed O'Brien. Thom, Ed, thanks very much, guys, thanks for coming!

[Thom and Ed walk to the stage and take a seat]

Stephen: Thanks for sticking around to figure this thing out. By the way, that song you guys just did was awesome, was really incredible.

Ed: Thank you

Stephen: Guys, you heard how people feel about global warming in the United States now. They just, not many people believe it anymore and they don't think we should do anything. Why do you think global warming has lost its appeal to Americans?

Thom: Well, there's a lot of people who are paid to spread this information for many years. And they are still being paid to do that.

Stephen: Who? That's quite an accusation, my friend.

Thom: "Scientists" [mimics quotes with hands].

Stephen: "Scientists?" [does the same gesture] Scientists and their friends, little bunnies? What do you mean, "scientists"? No, up to 2% of scientists don't believe in global warming, Thom.

Thom: Yeah, uhhh, right. [hesitant and confused]

Stephen: But they don't have the right to be heard.

Thom: No, not really, no.

[laughter]

Stephen: Why do you two care about it so much? What motivated you to make it something that influences your business decisions?

Ed: Well, on a very primal level, we've got children. And you want, you know, your children and their children and their children to have a, you know, a better planet to live on.

Stephen: But what do you think of my idea? I believe that it just isn't bad enough, because if it were bad enough - we are not bad people - we would take action. And if we run through the fossil fuels, if we load the sky with carbon, then it'll be obvious. Right now, you kinda have to be a scientist to understand what's going on.

Thom: Not if you live in Bangladesh.

Stephen: What's going on there?

Thom: Well, it gets wet quite a lot now.

Stephen: But didn't it always get wet there?

Thom: Uhh...not really.

Stephen: And I don't mean to be facetious cause I don't know what the word facetious means, but it's really hard for those of us who live in the United States, and there's a lot of high ground here, to understand what's motivating people in the rest of the world to get worried about this. Like, for instance, Europeans. You guys are from what historians call Europe.

[Thom and Ed laugh]

Stephen: Why are Europeans more attuned to this than Americans? Why do you guys believe it more than we do?

Ed: I think that's a myth. I think there's a big thing with the media going on here. If you ask the people in Texas after their hottest summer, I'm sure most people are concerned about [that]. As concerned as Europeans.

Stephen: Not the governor.

Thom: Yeah, there's a reason for that.

Stephen: Cause he's a man of faith?

Thom: Mmmm...faith...yeah...mmm...Let's just say, in order to get elected you need to have funds, right?

Stephen: Of course.

Thom: So you accept money from companies.

Stephen: Corporations, yeah, there's that bad word again.

Thom: Corporations, yeah. And some of the larger ones are oil companies, right?

Stephen: Yeah, obviously. That's what runs the world , oil. Did you guys come here on an ox-cart? How did you get here?

[Ed and Thom laugh]

Stephen: Are you guys living an oil-free lifestyle?

[Ed and Thom shake their heads]

Stephen: Do you ever feel guilty about the amount of oil you use? If you believe in saving the environment... You guys aren't playing cithers over there. That takes electricity, what you guys are doing.

[Ed and Thom nod]

Stephen: And that's gotta be powered by clean coal.

[Thom looks puzzled, Ed laughs]

Stephen: Have you heard of that?

Thom: Oh, yes, yes!

Stephen: It's good stuff, we should send you some of ours. Well, you guys want to burn some more energy and do a song for us?

[Ed and Thom nod]

Stephen: Hey, by the way, without even thinking, just answer this question. Who is saving the world better, you guys or Bono? Quick!

Thom: Definitely Bono.

Stephen: Definitely Bono. You'll get there, you'll get there.

[Applause, Thom starts to leave]

Stephen: Hold on, Thom, you stay right there.

[Thom mimics running away]

Stephen: We'll be back with more Radiohead. Thank you very much!

[Stephen shakes hands with Thom and Ed]